The Absurd ABC
by Walter Crane




The absurd ABC originally published 1874.

A for the APPLE
or Alphabet pie,
Which all get a slice of.
Come taste it & try.

B is the BABY
who gave Mr Bunting
Full many a long day's
rabbit skin hunting.

C for the CAT
that played on the fiddle,
When cows jumped higher than
'Heigh Diddle Diddle!'

D for the DAME
with her pig at the stile,
'Tis said they got over,
but not yet a while.
E for the Englishman,
ready to make fast
The giant who wanted to
have him for breakfast.

F for the Frog in the story
you know,
Begun with a wooing but
ending in woe.

G for Goosey Gander
who wandered upstairs,
And met the old man
who objected to prayers.
H for poor Humpty who
after his fall,
Felt obliged to resign his
seat on the wall.

I for the Inn where they
wouldn't give beer,
To one with too much
and no money, I fear.

J does for poor Jack and
also for Jill,
Who had so disastrous
a tumble down hill.
K for calm Kitty, at dinner
who sat,
While all the good folks
watched the dog & the cat.
L for Little man, gun and
bullets complete,
Who shot the poor duck, and
was proud of the feat.
M for Miss Muffet, with
that horrid spider,
Just dropped into tea and
a chat beside her.
N for the Numerous children
they who
Were often too much for
their mother in Shoe.
O the Old person that
cobwebs did spy,
And went up to sweep 'em
Oh ever so high!
P for the Pie made of
blackbirds to sing,
A song fit for supper
a dish for a King.
Q for Queen Anne
who sat in the sun
Till she, more than the lily
resembled the bun

R stands for Richard &
Robert, those men
Who didn't get up one
fine morning till ten!

S for the Snail that showed
wonderful fight,
Putting no less than twenty-four
tailors to flight!
T stands for Tom,
the son of the piper,
May his principles change
as his years grow riper.

U for the Unicorn,
keeping his eye on
The coveted crown, and
i'ts counsel the Lion.

V for the Victuals,
including the drink,
The old woman lived on
surprising to think!
W for the WOMAN
who not over nice,
Made very short work
of the three blind mice.

X is the X
that is found upon buns,
Which, daughters not liking,
may come in for sons.

Y for Yankee Doodle
of ancient renown,
Both he & his pony
that took him to town.

Z for the Zany who
looked like a fool,
For when he was young
he neglected his school.